Kind Commands

When I observe beginner teachers giving directions to their students, one of my most common observations is their unintentional use of “fake questions” (here forth to be referred to as “FQ’s”).

An FQ is when you give a command, but you voice it in the form of a question. For example, “Can everyone please pick up your instruments?” Or, “Can you sit down please?” Sneaky FQ’s also turn up when you add an upward vocal inflection to the end of your commands: “Stand up?” “Put your violins down?”

The tricky thing about FQ’s is that, in daily life, they’re totally acceptable. FQ’s soften requests and help everyone maintain a feeling of equality and mutual respect in peer-to-peer interactions. So it’s natural that, as teachers, we would bring our polite requests into the classroom.

In a teaching setting, however, it’s not so simple. When you give children a directive in the form of a question, but are not actually offering them a choice, it creates a confusing situation. Are you actually asking them? Can they say no? They don’t always understand that you are giving them a non-negotiable command, but that you’re using a question out of politeness.

My recommendation: If you are actually offering a choice, use a question, but if there’s no choice intended, simply state your command calmly, respectfully, and kindly: “Sit down and put your hands in your lap.” “Use walking feet to go to the door.” “Pick up your rhythm sticks and meet me in rest position.” Start with your verb, stay concise, and use a downward vocal inflection at the end.

As a teacher, avoiding “fake questions” and instead focusing on “kind commands” will help your kids understand when when they actually have a choice to make, and when it’s simply their job to do something. It will give them an anchor to grab onto. It will help you avoid power struggles. And most of all, it will allow you to build a more trusting, honest, and joyful classroom :)